We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
