So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
