she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
