Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
