so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
