i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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