She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
birth control should be required to get into college
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
