how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
