if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
