I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The adults are the big ones right?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
