That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
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