i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
