to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
