yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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