im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
