She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just found puke in my bra..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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