no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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