If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
