I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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