Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
