You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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