how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
