my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
