i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
