So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
