what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We need to get me chipped asap
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
