I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
