He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
