When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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