: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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