I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
