Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
