awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
