Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
