I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
