We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
