He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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