meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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