I'm really into asian looking animals
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
