Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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