Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Randomize
