just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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