Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
