You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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