Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
