OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
