just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
