No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
