North Korea, Best Korea!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
