i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
