this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
