I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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